we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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