I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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