I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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