Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
