Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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