and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
