I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
