Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
