the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
