They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
