she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I enjoy the company of your penis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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