I bet he comes in French.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
