Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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