Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
