They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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