They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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