I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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