There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The adults are the big ones right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
