This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
