i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
