and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
