If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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