i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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