she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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