Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tell her she can't have a vagina
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
