I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
