"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
