It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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