Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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