Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
