I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
