I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
