What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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