It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
