Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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