Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
