maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
