After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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