whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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