I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
