It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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