Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
