Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
