and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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