Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
