I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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