he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
