If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
