There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
