So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
