Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
