I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
