you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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