and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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